![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Because I'm a slight movie junkie, and despite my artsy pretentions remain addicted to the mass-consumption fluff that Hollywood shoves out each summer, I took a look at the Summer Movies Guide on my local browser.
A few quick thoughts:
And now, back to doing work in the most halfhearted fashion imaginable, packing, and debating about which Epic Fanwork to tackle next.
A few quick thoughts:
1. Wait. Wait, they're actually making a Speed Racer movie? I thought that was a joke.
And apparently, the Halo movie is actually-factually in production, though by whom it doesn't say. And here I thought that was a joke too.
Now where are my Skies of Arcadia, Eternal Darkness, and Zelda movies, Hollywood? Come on. You're going to get to them eventually, and I'd rather someone with a scrap of actual talent swipe them up before Uwe Boll does. (No, I still haven't forgiven him for Alone in the Dark. Why do you ask?)
2. Speaking of jokes, another Hulk movie? Which has nothing to do with the Ang Lee versionthank all that is merciful? Starring Edward Norton as the Hulk? And TIM FREAKING ROTH as the Abomination or whatever the Hulk's nemesis is (witness my failure to engage in comics fangirling)?
No. I'm sorry. I don't believe that. I don't care if there's actually a poster and a trailer and everything. They are all part of an elaborate April Fools' hoax that has overstayed its welcome. I'm not buying it.
Seriously, what is it with all these Serious Ac-tors suddenly appearing in superhero movies? Christian Bale as Batman, Robert Downey Jr. as Iron Man, Edward Freaking Norton as the Hulk...what's next, Even Rachel Wood as Wonder Woman?
The prospect of Hellboy 2, however, placates me for some reason.
Also, if we're moving throughout the comic-book-superheroes canon, when do I get a Martian Manhunter movie?shut up I'm totally qualified to fangirl him even if I only ever saw him on that Justice League series.
3. Did we need another Mummy movie? Even if Brenden Fraser looks eerily like Leon Kennedy in the press materials?
3.a. OF COURSE we needed another Indiana Jones movie. How can you even make the comparison?
4. And Mamma Mia is a movie now. This is fortunate for me, since I wanted to see it but found the plane fare to London a bit prohibitive, but this trend of snapping up musicals for adaptation makes me think horrible thoughts about the surely-pending cinematic version of Les Miserables. Starring Russel Crowe as Jean Valjean!
...I just scared myself half to death. Let's move on.
5. Kit Kittridge: An American Girl has been adapted into a big-screen movie, starring Abigail Breslin in the title role. I'm mildly bitter about this, because my American Girl (Felicity) only ever got a TV movie, and as far as I'm concerned there were no American Girls after Josefina (and she's only allowed in because she's awesome and has a mantilla). I'm sure Kitt's wonderful, but she's not the American Girl I grew up with, and her getting a movie before Samantha, Felicity, Molly, Kirsten, and Addie grates on the nerves.
6. ...Speed Racer movie wtf. I can't get over this, you guys.
[ETA] 7. ZOMG I FORGOT ABOUT THE CLONE WARS MOVIE. How did I almost forget the Clone Wars movie?
Dear Cinematic Santa Claus: This has the potential to either be brain-blowingly amazing or suck very, very hard. Please, please, please let it be the former.
And apparently, the Halo movie is actually-factually in production, though by whom it doesn't say. And here I thought that was a joke too.
Now where are my Skies of Arcadia, Eternal Darkness, and Zelda movies, Hollywood? Come on. You're going to get to them eventually, and I'd rather someone with a scrap of actual talent swipe them up before Uwe Boll does. (No, I still haven't forgiven him for Alone in the Dark. Why do you ask?)
2. Speaking of jokes, another Hulk movie? Which has nothing to do with the Ang Lee version
No. I'm sorry. I don't believe that. I don't care if there's actually a poster and a trailer and everything. They are all part of an elaborate April Fools' hoax that has overstayed its welcome. I'm not buying it.
Seriously, what is it with all these Serious Ac-tors suddenly appearing in superhero movies? Christian Bale as Batman, Robert Downey Jr. as Iron Man, Edward Freaking Norton as the Hulk...what's next, Even Rachel Wood as Wonder Woman?
The prospect of Hellboy 2, however, placates me for some reason.
Also, if we're moving throughout the comic-book-superheroes canon, when do I get a Martian Manhunter movie?
3.a. OF COURSE we needed another Indiana Jones movie. How can you even make the comparison?
4. And Mamma Mia is a movie now. This is fortunate for me, since I wanted to see it but found the plane fare to London a bit prohibitive, but this trend of snapping up musicals for adaptation makes me think horrible thoughts about the surely-pending cinematic version of Les Miserables. Starring Russel Crowe as Jean Valjean!
...I just scared myself half to death. Let's move on.
5. Kit Kittridge: An American Girl has been adapted into a big-screen movie, starring Abigail Breslin in the title role. I'm mildly bitter about this, because my American Girl (Felicity) only ever got a TV movie, and as far as I'm concerned there were no American Girls after Josefina (and she's only allowed in because she's awesome and has a mantilla). I'm sure Kitt's wonderful, but she's not the American Girl I grew up with, and her getting a movie before Samantha, Felicity, Molly, Kirsten, and Addie grates on the nerves.
6. ...Speed Racer movie wtf. I can't get over this, you guys.
[ETA] 7. ZOMG I FORGOT ABOUT THE CLONE WARS MOVIE. How did I almost forget the Clone Wars movie?
Dear Cinematic Santa Claus: This has the potential to either be brain-blowingly amazing or suck very, very hard. Please, please, please let it be the former.
And now, back to doing work in the most halfhearted fashion imaginable, packing, and debating about which Epic Fanwork to tackle next.
(no subject)
WORD TO THE WORDITY WORD.
(no subject)
(...I can't believe I'm talking about canonical American Girls.)
(no subject)
That's my same reaction.
Mamma Mia came to the US! I totally saw it in LA.
"...I just scared myself half to death."
AND ME. DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN. *dissolves*
I still don't understand why they're making new "American Girls." They're supposed to stop when I hit my early teens. Good god, if the real ones couldn't get a proper movie, what makes anyone think a faux AG will be successful? Cheers to Abigail, though.
(no subject)
Mamma Mia actually came to theaters pretty close to me, but without even a fraction of the good reviews that the London version got. And the tickets sold out in about ten minutes. Grr. (How was it in LA, though? Any good?)
I want my real Felicity movie, dammit. Actually, I want an Addy movie most of all, because she's the one everyone always forgot.
...wait wait I just went at Wikipedia'd American Girls and apparently there are like thirteen new ones now. Including one from the seventies. NOT COOL, AG.
I'm glad Abigail Breslin got cast, though; I can't think of anyone better to portray that sort of character. I'm just bitter because she's not playing one of mine.
(no subject)
Wheee, so much dancing! =D
(no subject)
Yes! They're ridiculously fluffy and slashy, and I really like Eve. iz kwite pritty. And come on, in the Mummy II they exploded a monkey. How does that not deserve an encore?
OF COURSE we needed another Indiana Jones movie.
THERE IS NO INDIANA JONES WITHOUT HARRISON FORD AND HE IS TOO OLD AND PAUNCHY NOW TBQFH. I AM SORRY MUPPET BUT YOU ARE WRONG. I HAVE DONE EXTENSIVE RESEARCH ON THIS. Not even River Phoenix could be Indiana. The beginning of The Last Crusade was just ridiculous.
the surely-pending cinematic version of Les Miserables. Starring Russel Crowe as Jean Valjean!
It would so totally be him, too.
Kit Kittridge: An American Girl has been adapted into a big-screen movie, starring Abigail Breslin in the title role.
I have no emotional attachment to American Girl (although I did read the books and magazine) so I can't comment on your favoritist rage, but isn't Abigail Breslin the perfect actress to play that kind of role? That casting choice restores some of my faith in Hollywood, tbh.
(no subject)
HARRISON FORD CAN BE INDY IF HE WANTS TO. Besides, the new Indy movie has Cate Blanchett as a Russian dominatrix-type person which makes up for everything. And Karen Allen is back. And the beginning of The Last Crusade was AWESOME. I don't know what you're on about.
For some reason, Russel Crowe was the very first person who came to mind for the Les Miserables Celebrity Casting. I don't know what to think about that, given that I've never heard him sing.
Abigail Breslin is perfect for it, and I've no doubt she'll do brilliantly. But she's not playing my American Girl. I'm sorry; it's one of those irrational childhood things. :D
(no subject)
WUT. SRSLY WUT. HOW DO YOU REPLACE EVIE. HOW. DO. YOU. REPLACE. EVIE. ALSO, NEEDS MOAR SAND OMFGPPL. COMMON SENSE.
HARRISON FORD CAN BE INDY IF HE WANTS TO. Besides, the new Indy movie has Cate Blanchett as a Russian dominatrix-type person which makes up for everything. And Karen Allen is back. And the beginning of The Last Crusade was AWESOME. I don't know what you're on about.
NOT IF HE IS PAUNCHY HE CAN'T. OK MAYBE HE CAN AND I'VE BEEN CRUSHING KINDA HARD ON KAREN ALLEN SINCE I WAS LIKE TEN, BUT ISN'T THIS MOVIE ALL ABOUT THEM SITTING IN ROCKING CHAIRS ON A PORCH WHILE THEIR ~SON GOES OFF AND HAS ADVENTURES? NO. YOU DO NOT PUT INDIANA JONES IN A ROCKING CHAIR, BETCH.
I'm sure I have no experience with irrational childhood things but I'll take your word for it, dear. >D
(no subject)
OF COURSE HE WILL NOT BE IN A ROCKING CHAIR. He'll be off being heroic and adventuresome and suchlike, and I'm willing to grant that it will possibly be less awesome that the first three movies but INDIANA JONES WILL NOT BE IN A ROCKING CHAIR.
Feel free to mock me if this ends up being the case, though I may not hear you because I'll be busy demanding my money back.(no subject)
There is a lot of non-standard punctuation in that paragraph, wow.
I am also upset about the third Mummy movie, but only because Evie won't be in it, and I don't see how you can have a Mummy movie without the hot couple. Father-son bonding time will not tide me over!
(no subject)
Evie'll be in it, but she'll be played by a different actress. And, granted, Maria Bello is very pretty in her own right, not to mention quite an actress, but Evie is Rachel Weisz to me. Ms. Bello will have to really impress me.
Also NO ARDETH BEY. I'm bitter about this.
(no subject)
...okay, clearly my information is outdated, and OH MY GOD, THAT IS SO MUCH WORSE. Well, now I'm not even going to rent it. The third movie just officially Does Not Exist. I hate when roles are recast.
And that was BEFORE I got to the last line. What do you mean, "No Ardeth Bey"?! I see your bitterness and raise you an outrage. Now I'm even more baffled as to how this movie got off the ground.
(no subject)
And I don't know for certain that Ardeth Bey isn't in it, but Oded Fehr wasn't in the cast list, so either he's not in it or the role's been recast. Given that this installment is set in China or something (note to directors everywhere: LET'S START SETTING OUR MOVIES SOMEWHERE ELSE NOW), there'd be no reason for him to be there, but...but...bah. *pouts*
(no subject)
(no subject)
No worries, I'm out-of-date too. Apparently there are like thirteen new ones that I've never heard of. D:
(no subject)
And ditto on the American Girls! Wtf? Where's the Molly movie? Molly was great! As was Kirsten! Who is this interloper?! *sulk*
And Edward Norton will never be anything other than the Narrator. He is not the Hulk, nor will he ever be the Hulk.
Please to be never saying again the potential for a Les Mis movie adaptation. There was one, once, but it was merely a book->movie type thing. Also, Russell Crowe does not at all equal Valjean. Never, ever, ever. EVER. This makes me cry a lot inside. And cringe. Lots of cringing. Don't get me wrong: I love Russell Crowe, but he's not Valjean in any way.
*watches Victor Hugo turn in his stone tomb*
(no subject)
See, and Abigail Breslin could probably PLAY Kirsten. AND Molly, if she really wanted to. I even think she LOOKED a little like Molly in Little Miss Sunshine. Bah. BAH, says I.
I saw The Illusionist before I ever saw Fight Club, so Ed Norton is Eisenheim to me, not the Narrator. But I know that Norton's been in so many fucked-up roles (Narrator, that guy in American History X, Down in the Valley, etc) that imagining him as a superhero just breaks my mind.
And that's not even getting started on TIM ROTH. Freaking ROSENCRANTZ, dude. I don't understand this.
My mouth, she is shut on this subject. Given how long and huge and operatic Les Mis is, any movie adaptation would fall invariably short. And Victor Hugo's been spinning in his grave for a long time. He's on a permanent spin cycle. I don't think we could do anything to him anymore.