stunt_muppet

Dear CSI: Miami Muse:

Shut. UP.

Look, it's not that I don't like you. It's not that I never want to work with you ever again. I just want. To write. Something. Else. You've had a near-monopoly on my fic for the past month or so. I'm worn out. I need a break. It's not you, it's me.

This doesn't mean I'm never coming back, muse. And I really am going to keep working on my multi-chapter Miami fics, I promise. I made a commitment to those. But I just think a little time off would be good for the both of us.

Besides, if recent spoilers bear out, I'm breaking up with Miami come September (lengthy rant to come), and not following canon makes it difficult to continue ficcing with the same verve (granted, most of my Miami fic wouldn't actually be affected by the relevant spoiler, but I digress). I need to be prepared to diversify and have other material to work on.

(Oh, who am I kidding. This show could take as many flying naked backflips over the proverbial shark as it wants and I'd still be tuning in on Monday nights. It's a drug, and no matter how much it's hurting me I can't freaking STOP.)

I do have to thank you, though, Miami muse. You've given me several happy weeks with two gorgeous, curly-haired Latina women competing for my attention. I wish I was in a position to fully appreciate that.
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Dear Pirates Muse,

You, on the other hand, need to get your ass in gear. And I'd prefer it not take another trip to the movies and $10.50 of my hard-earned money ($25 if you factor in gas, parking, and the inevitable fooded item I'll end up purchasing) to get you there.

Look, you're fairly new to this musing business, and I understand that. Maybe you just weren't aware of the procedures. Let me explain it to you clearly and simply, to avoid further misunderstanding. You do not dump your bunnies into my lap and then suddenly leave. Musing involves sticking around until you have proven that at least one of those bunnies can grow and thrive in your care. I expect you to adjust your behavior accordingly.
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Dear Law and Order Muse,

Nina Cassady/Connie Rubirosa doesn't make an ounce of freaking sense. It has no basis in canon. The two of them don't even interact all that often. When they have, there have been absolutely no motions in that direction. Nothing that could even be interpreted as such. Got that? Good. Now stop trying to write it.

You had a perfectly good Connie/Nina friendship bunny growing up for a while there. Whatever happened to it? Why the sudden preoccupation with an improbable pairing? A little explanation is all I ask.

Also, something with Ed in it would be nice.
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Dear CSI:NY Muse,

I seem to remember a few weeks back, when you presented me with a very fuzzy and lovable little bunny that I referred to as Norbert. He was a "Daze of Wine and Roaches" post-ep, I believe, and he was very agreeable, with some nice Danny/Flack friendship woven in there. 

Whatever happened to him? Do you think you could bring him back? I'd like to play with him some more.

I would, however, like to thank you for the other rabbit you sent along this afternoon. But I'd just like a little reassurance that Norbert lives.
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Dear CSI: Vegas and Criminal Intent Muses,

Exist, please.
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Dear Burn Notice Muse,

Oh, no you don't. Look, there have been two episodes of this show so far. Two. Burn Notice barely has a fandom yet. Burn Notice barely has a canon yet. Could you at least push your move-in date back until the show has actually finished a season? We're stretched for space up here as it is. Thanks.
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Dear Closer Muse,

You know, I should probably finish the first and second season and learn all the characters' names before you begin your bunny breeding. Just a thought.
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Dear SVU and House Muses,

Ah, I see you all have finally decided to join our little party. So nice of you, given that you've got a space rented out and everything. However, I must issue the same instructions to you that I issued to Pirates Muse:

Dumping bunnies on my lap and running away is not acceptable and will not be tolerated. You are the muses. Caring for them is your job. Now please come and manage them before they chew through my computer table.
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Dear Doctor Who Muse,

Your job is a difficult one, and sometimes I think I don't really appreciate just how much hard work you do. Doctor Who has a truly terrifying backlog of canon, and the amount of sheer research required to breed a bunny is off-putting for all but the most dauntless muses. 

You have struggled long and hard at a near-impossible task, and I commend you for it. Take a vacation - a long one, somewhere nice. You've earned that, and frankly I don't think burying yourself in more research is doing either of us a bit of good. 

I will call you back when again I am in need of you. But for now, find a place with sand and a salt breeze you can enjoy.
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(I just hope it's clear that this is all meant for fun, and that I am not, in fact, stark raving insane.)