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stunt_muppet at 01:05am on 02/03/2007 under csi:miami, fanfics, fic posts, fic posts: gen, little brothers
stunt_muppet at 01:05am on 02/03/2007 under csi:miami, fanfics, fic posts, fic posts: gen, little brothersBecause nothing gets my creative juices flowing like an essay and a bio test in nine hours. XP I really do hate you, muse.
I present you with Little Brother Chapter 2!
A note or two:
1)This chapter's PG-13 for some bad language (which I'm now having a Lenten crisis about - is it still swearing if the characters are doing it, not me?)
2)Not sure that I'm entirely happy with this one, so concrit as you see fit. It feels a little on the melodramatic side.
3)I swear not every chapter's going to revolve around Daddy Issues. It's just that...er...well...these two did. Sorry.
Chapter 2: Puzzles
Horatio: 9
Raymond: 5
The edges of the puzzle had been put back together; all Horatio had to do now was fill in the middle.
It was a very old puzzle, left to gather dust in some closet; the picture was fading and the pieces were starting to bend. It had two hundred of those pieces, at least at some point. He’d been working on it for almost three days now, in between school and homework and dinner and bed. It had been tedious at times, but there was something very gratifying about finishing a puzzle, about reassembling the picture on the box out of hundreds of broken fragments.
Ray tried to help every so often, but his idea of “helping” amounted to holding up a piece and asking “How about this one?” And he would inevitably grow bored after a few minutes and would go off to play with something else.
There was a spot near the top left corner that was almost complete, except for a hole where five or six pieces should be. Horatio shuffled through the remaining pieces, looking for something that fit.
“How ‘bout this one?”
He looked up. Ray was holding up a single puzzle piece – clearly the wrong shape and color for the spot he was looking for. No harm in humoring him, though.
“Well, let’s see,” he replied. Ray bent over the puzzle and tried to jam the piece into an available gap. After a few tries he gave up and shook his head.
“That one doesn’t fit.” He picked up another piece, seemingly at random. “What about this one?”
Horatio smiled, then picked up the puzzle box so that the lid faced Ray. “Let’s try something else. That part of the puzzle makes this part of the picture, right?” He indicated the upper-left corner.
“Uh-huh.”
“And this part’s already done. So look for a piece that has a picture on it like…this.” He pointed at the spot on the picture that matched the missing pieces. “Okay?”
“Why?”
“Picture’s gotta match too.” He put the box down. “Wanna help me look?”
Ray nodded, then started digging through the pile of pieces.
Through their bedroom wall, Horatio heard a door slam. Raymond ignored it, too intent on his search.
“Look, all I’m saying is,” It was Dad, somewhere on the other side of the wall; his voice was raised, but he was not yet shouting. “After I spend all day and half the night busting my ass for you, it’d be nice to get a ‘hello’ or a ‘how was your day’ – just something besides ‘Don’t swear in front of the boys’.”
“They’re children, Nathan.” Mom’s voice was sharp and cold. “I’d rather they not pick up your bad habits just yet.”
He came upon a piece that matched. It had just the right pattern of colors and lines printed on it; it belonged in that spot. It looked about the right shape, too.
But when he tried to put it in place, it wouldn’t fit.
“D’ya think they don’t hear all that at school anyway? Or when they’re walking outside? They’re gonna hear it eventually; why’s it such a problem?”
“Well, fine, then. Fine, let’s just teach them how to smoke right now. Let’s teach them how to get so drunk they don’t know their own names – hell, they’re gonna learn eventually! You want to teach them that too?” Her voice rose almost to a scream.
Horatio checked the puzzle piece on the lid of the box. The picture matched right where he thought it would. So, if it matched, why didn’t it fit?
He tried turning the piece, bending it, forcing it into place. No good.
Ray was looking at the door.
“Wha – are you accusing me? When have I ever had a drink in front of them?”
“You think they don’t see you when you’re sitting in front of the TV? You think I don’t see you? You think we all can’t see that by the time you get up off that couch you don’t know which way’s up?”
There was a noise like a clap, and his mother’s voice stopped.
There was nothing he could do about it. The piece simply didn’t fit where it should have. The puzzle couldn’t be finished. And who knew how many more pieces there were like that?
Dad’s voice was quieter now. “You listen to me,” he said. “No – get back here and listen to me. Everything I have ever done, I have done for you and for our sons. I have worked every single damn day for them. I gave them the house they’re living in, I gave them the food at their table, I gave them their clothes on their backs. I’ve given them everything.” Louder now. “And I don’t care what you think about me, but you had goddamn well better respect that!”
It couldn’t be fixed. It couldn’t be finished.
Horatio dropped the puzzle piece and retreated to his bed.
[EDIT] Part 1 is here.
annoyed
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HORATIOOOOOOOOOO!
*loves* REALLY GREAT STUFF!!
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Thanks for reading, and I'm glad you enjoyed it!
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I don't think it should count against you if it's your characters swearing. Which, I can see, they would have ample cause to do.
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And then Horatio pulls out a .45 and plugs the f-ing puzzle...and throws the body out the window.
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XD *giggle* You show it who's boss, little H.
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I tend to wince whenever someone decides to write about characters when they were children, because they almost inevitably make them sound either too old or too young for the age they're trying to write, and/or make them so completely unrecognizable that they might as well be inventing original characers. Not that I was worried about you falling into that trap, but I'm still surprised by how well this is turning out, this chapter in particular.
I like the way even at 9, he's the patient mentor, finding ways to include his little brother. I especially like that while you have this heated argument going on in the background, there is deliberately no connection between that dialogue and the scene in the bedroom; no real reaction on Horatio's part save an intense focus on the puzzle. Very effective way to show how children cope with that, shutting it out (sounds like it's already a well-known routine), but letting the reader see that instead of beating them over the head with exposition. Some of my favorite parts:
It had been tedious at times, but there was something very gratifying about finishing a puzzle, about reassembling the picture on the box out of hundreds of broken fragments.
Very nice foreshadowing of his future career, introducing the way his mind works.
There was a noise like a clap, and his mother’s voice stopped.
There was nothing he could do about it. The piece simply didn’t fit where it should have.
Clever bit of misdirection with the second sentence. Very clever.
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Thanks so much for reading, and for your thorough reviews.
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