stunt_muppet

I DONE MANAGED IT! \o/

Apologies; this one may be just a touch rushed, since I was trying to get it done by the Day O'Classic deadline, but 'tis still an annotation/lovingly snide commentary, and it aspires to no more than that.

Also, since people seem to do a lot more moving around in Episode 2 as well as a lot more expositing (no, I don't know how that works, either), it's tricky to get good screencaps for some of these scenes. Some may be a bit blurry or fuzzy, but I tried my best to get crisp shots when they were available.

Episode 1 is posted here.


When last we saw Our Intrepid Heroes, Sarah had just been carted off by The Bad Guys...


...and the Doctor had just figured out who The Bad Guys (well, the main one, anyway) were.


Sarah is taken off to meet Irongron...


...as is Hal, the Good Guys' archer, who's been captured as well.

Still not catching on that she's in the Generic Middle Ages, Sarah proceeds to verbally pwn Irongron and tell him his tourist trap's a bit crap, really.

Dialogue transcribed for added awesomeness:


Irongron: *congratulates self on how amusing and warlike and MANLEH he is*


Sarah: Look, please. Now, you've had your laugh, now...let's just stop it and talk sensibly. If it's any consolation to you, you're scaring me out of my wits!

Irongron's Lackey: ...Perhaps the wench is crazed, Captain.


Sarah: Oh, come on. What is this place?


Irongron: You are in the castle of Irongron, milady. Few uninvited guests come here, and few that do leave alive.


Sarah: All right. If you insist on playing guessing games...no, it's not a pageant, it's too elaborate for that...


A film set! No, no lights, no cameras...


Irongron: Aye, the wench is crazed, right enough. Pity. She's not uncomely. (Yes, thank you, Villain-of-the-Month. We noticed.)


Sarah: I've got it! It's one of those tourist places! A medieval castle, all restored to its original condition, jolly banquets and buxom serving wenches!


That's it, isn't it?


Mind you, I think you're overdoing the sordid realism a bit, I mean I know things were pretty grotty in the Middle Ages, but really, you might leave the tourists a bit of glamorous illusion, I've never seen such a dirty -


And then Lynx walks in, rudely interrupting her tirade. He's puzzled by Sarah, thinking she's a different species.


Irongron: Have ye no girls beyond the stars? No women to do the lowly work?
Lynx: Ah. I see. You have a primary and secondary reproductive cycle. It is an inefficient system. You should change it.

(Included because it's one of my favorite quotes in the whole story. Sontarans don't have genders; they're cloned en masse. Remember, kids, cloning makes you ugly.)


Lynx hypnotises Sarah with the flashlight tampon, and she spills that she came to the past in a sort of machine she did not understand, piloted by the Doctor. This upsets Lynx somewhat.


Also, Lynx has made Irongron a robot, which is totally not a guy in silver lame. While Irongron's geeking out about it, Sarah runs away.


A short time later, Hal's about to get the Marie Antoinette treatment (sans fabulous earrings)...


...when Irongron decides he would rather play with his new toy, and brings the robot out to kill Hal instead.


Things look bad for Hal...


...until the Doctor, whom the wall guards he's standing right next to somehow failed to notice, grabs a crossbow and shoots the robot's remote out of Irogron's hand.


Which makes the robot go wonky and start indiscriminately swinging at things, leading to a few moments of Rollicking Physical Comedy...


...while Sarah and Hal make their getaway.


The Doctor, meanwhile, has gone back inside, and has found Lynx's Secret Lab while Lynx himself was out deactivating the lolbot.


Hey, look a spaceship! In the lab!


Hey, look, hypnotized scientists! Working on the spaceship in the lab!


But look who's not hypnotized! Hello again, Half-Blind Old Scientist Guy Rubeish.


The hypnotism didn't work on him, due to his "superior brain power, you see". Or, as the Doctor rather more accurately surmises, because he's practically blind without his glasses.


Which, in turn, leads him to conclude that Lynx is using some sort of optical device to control the other scientists. See, this is how we know that the Doctor r smrt.


"Professor, listen to me. This may come as a shock to you, so steel yourself. You've been brought back through time to the early years of the Generic Middle Ages!" Oh, Doctor. Always so dramatic.


"...that's interesting. I've always maintained that the loop theory of time shouldn't have been so arrogantly dismissed by Crabbeshaw and his cronies - "


"Yes, yes, tell me about that later, but we haven't the time. Look, we've got to get out of here before - "


"Absolutely not! Why, this is the opportunity of a lifetime! You know, there's most interesting work being done here - if only I could see it..."


"Professor, your life is in considerable danger. I really must insist - "


"Oh, you go if you want to. But leave me alone." This, guys, is why I love Half-Blind Old Scientist Guy. I kind of want him to go on adventures with the Doctor and watch them butt heads with each other over everthing.


...and then, of course, Lynx bursts in to ruin their repartee, setting his flashlight tampon from "hypnotize" to "fry brain".

Alas, there are no screencaps to be had of that moment, as I couldn't stop the video anywhere that wasn't very blurry. But really, Pertwee!Painface must be seen in action.


While all these shenanigans are going down, Sarah's off getting wined and dined at Chateau Good Guys and working her way into their hearts. Hal has just broke the news to the Good Guys that Irongron's got "magic weapons", which here translates to "guns and robots".


Sarah's convinced that the Doctor's responsible for all this, which is a reasonable assumption to make at this point, given that the kidnapped scientists were taken back in time and he's the only person she knows with a time machine. She's determined to stop him by stealing his lacy cravat and not giving it back until he agrees to work for the Good Guys!


Of course, King Good Guy's a bit useless and glum and a general wet blanket, so it's up to Sarah to come up with battle plans, or indeed show any sense of positivity or enthusiasm whatsoever.


Hal volunteers to go along with her 'cause he likes her.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch Lynx's lab...


It's worth noting, at this juncture, that the Doctor getting tied up, handcuffed, interrogated, Mind Probed, strapped down, tortured, or otherwise abused is a Very Serious Continuing Theme of the Pertwee era. It's absolutely crucial to the character at this stage and reveals the core motivations of his somesuch or other.

Mostly I had to include at least one dodgy-looking screencap in here, and this's as good as any.


Anyway, Lynx demands to know what the Doctor's doing here; he's figured out that the Doctor's not human.


"I'm just a tourist. I like it here." This is actually a Very Interesting Statement regarding the Third Doctor's character, given that he started his life as an exile on Earth with a broken TARDIS, hated being there, and took every opportunity he could find to try to leave. But that's another tl;dr meta for another day.


The Doctor exposits for a bit about the Sontarans, handily explaining to the audience that the Sontarans are at perpetual war with the Rutans. Lynx, a Sontaran Commander, had to make an emergency landing on Earth after he was attacked by a squad of Rutan fighters. He couldn't repair his ship with the technology of the era, so he projected himsef forward in time to steal the help he needed to repair his ship. However, his transmitter thingy was weak, and he could only steal things from the mid-20th century.


This is also, in a fun bit of trivia, the first time the Doctor's home planet has been named as Gallifrey. We've met the Time Lords already, in the Second Doctor's story The War Games, but their planet was never named. And now it is! The More You Know! :D


Anyway, Lynx rather phallically threatens the Doctor with the flashlight tampon and sets him to work coordinating the spaceship repairs, by placing headphones with a Christmas ornament on top a control device on him, which will zap him if he doesn't complete his assigned task. Lynx then leaves to give Irongron the guns he made.


And who should come to the Doctor's rescue but Rubeish! "Are you wearing a hat? Dangerous, you know. Overheats the brain."


After a few zappy mishaps, Rubeish manages to deactivate the control device and get the Doctor free.


"Thank you very much, Professor."
"Not at all, Smith."


"Smith...Yes, of course! Will you excuse me, I've got to go find a young girl. I'll see you soon - I hope!"


"Young girl? Should have thought he was a bit old for that sort of thing...Oh well." Rubbish! The Doctor is a strapping young lad of merely 550! Rubbish, I say!

Along the way, the Doctor runs into Irongron, and uses a tried-and-tested strategy to get by him...


"Ah! Good evening!" Smile! It confuses people.


Then, when they grab your hand to shake it (which is slightly anachronistic but so's this whole story, so never mind), shove them into one another and make a run for it. Venusian Aikido saves the day once more.


The Doctor almost gets outside the castle grounds, but not before Irongron and his men catch up with him. For a while, the Doctor puts up a valiant fight with the aid of his martial arts mad skillz and the creative employ of buckets...


...but eventually, the fact that he's fighting like eight guys with swords catches up with him, and he gets tossed down in a convenient hay bale.


OH NOES. HOWEVER SHALL THE DOCTOR ESCAPE. D:


And here the episode ends, because Doctor Who doesn't kid around when it comes to cliffhangers. The old series has been known to end its episodes with one or more characters actually hanging off a cliff. No lie.

And that's all for today! And with that, I really should be getting to bed. Work to do in the morning. Or, er, later in the morning.