There was a minor flaw in this plan.

[stunt_muppet]

When I was preparing myself to read Dealthy Hallows (not actually reading it, mind you, just preparing), I would sit in front of the book and recite this little mantra to myself, in order to prepare for the bloodbath I was sure was to follow:

"Absolutely everyone in this book is going to die. Everyone. And they'll probably die horrible, suffering, and unneccesary deaths, too. Every character you've ever loved will meet some horrible end one way or the other. This is because JKR is a mean, horrible woman and likes it when you suffer." (I kid! I kid Ms. Rowling! I still love you! Really! Promise!)

"Do not get attached to anyone, because they're all dead. Harry? It's pretty much been established that he dies. Ron and Hermione? Down in a ball of fire. Neville? He's grown out of the comic-relief role, and hence is no longer safe. Luna? Devoured by crumple-horned snorkacks. The Weasleys? Burrow burns down around their heads. They were too good to live. Remus? Hell, the rest of them are gone, except Wormtail who's clinging to his miserable existence; might as well complete the set. Hagrid? Big, lovable, bumbling Hagrid, who's stuck with Harry no matter what? He's fucking doomed."

And, with that in mind, I thought I was ready to begin reading.

And then I got to Chapter 4, or 5, or whatever it was when Harry escapes.

Whereupon I discovered a flaw in the mantra.

"Shit. SHIT. I forgot about Hedwig. SHIT. Dammit, Rowling, you sneaky little--"

I amend my mantra. In addition to the above, Dobby will be Cruciatus-cursed to death and Crookshanks will be run over by a Mack truck. Five times.

And some beagle puppies will get kicked.

Comments

[pixxistixx4me.livejournal.com]

There is hope: The puppies are OK. No puppies were harmed in the making of HP:DH.

I like teh puppies. Almost as much as I like the Walrus Bukket Saga (which I'm following religiously now).

[stunt-muppet.livejournal.com]

Ah, so I saw. Although there were a couple of bits where I was expecting a few big fluffy puppies to show up just so Voldemort could step on them. Or Crucio them. It was a grim little book, it was.

Isn't it fantastic? There's a different (in my opinion better) version up on ICHC, though. Especially since it has "Mah associates has informed me that you is in posseshun of MAH BUKKIT!" in it. Oh, bukkit walrus.

[rainbowstevie.livejournal.com]

Man, I wish I'd thought of that mantra before I started reading. But no, I decided to cross my fingers and hope for the best.

For future reference: screw you, optimism!

[stunt-muppet.livejournal.com]

Pfah. Optimism is obviously useless against someone who kills of her characters for fun.

*grumble*

[1x2foralways.livejournal.com]

*waves* Long time no see! *glomp* I've missed being around and commenting to your posts!

You've missed me, come on, admit it!

I kid. You probably haven't missed me. I know my comments can be random, long, and boring. But you put up with them, which is one of the reasons why I find you so awesome. (: Only one of the reasons, though! There are many reasons why I find you awesome.

Anyway...there was a point to this comment, I'm sure. Now what was it...?

Oh, yeah!!!

Your mantra sounds a lot like the one I had in my head the week before the book. Oh, and I also came up with about a billion different crazy theories that made absolutely no sense (although one of them turned out to be true! I won't mention it until you've finished reading). When Hedwig died, it was about 3:30 in the morning for me, after spending 3 hours at the Midnight Magic Party and reading for 2 hours prior to that, so I was pretty tired and weepy. I had been woken up by my friend that Saturday morning, and I remembered Hedwig right away, and I actually started crying. I felt like such a dork! I always loved Hedwig. Poor little owl...*sniffle*

Anyways, I can't wait until you get further, because I'm just bursting with stuff I want to discuss! I'll keep my comments spoiler-free, though, so no worries. (:

*blush* And here I go again with a super-long comment. I'm sorry!!!

*superglomp* Enjoy the rest of your reading adventure! Although I must say this...I'm very, very glad I stayed away from spoilers, personally, and I'm hoping you'll be very glad too, because to me, that made the book ten times more enjoyable.

Okay, I'm really done now, I promise!

[stunt-muppet.livejournal.com]

Of course I've missed you! *hugs* And glad to see you're back!

I like long comments, though. They're like conversations.

Hedwig's death caught me completely off-guard - I didn't even think she'd be eligible for the death pool. So imagine my surprise.

Unfortunatly, I already had a few parts spoiled for me by the time I reached the end. I still enjoyed it, though.

[1x2foralways.livejournal.com]

*hugs back*

Yay, now I don't feel so bad! :D

I really don't know what JKR was thinking when she killed off Hedwig...it's a good thing Draco didn't find out, or his cover would have been blown! XD

Aw, man, eek! :( But I'm glad you still enjoyed it!!! :D

[stunt-muppet.livejournal.com]

Yes, Draco would have been forced to leave the Death Eaters on the grounds of needless animal suffering. It would have been awkward. XD

[hatone.livejournal.com]

"Luna? Devoured by crumple-horned snorkacks.

Best thing I've heard all day. :-D

I've been trying to rush through it and I'm on Chapter 23. Don't worry though, I won't reveal any spoilers. :-P

[stunt-muppet.livejournal.com]

I didn't think I was going to rush through it, but I ended up doing just that. I just finished, actually. :)

[gorengal.livejournal.com]

Why, oh why must I cry over fictional characters? Argh. I should've had a mantra.

[stunt-muppet.livejournal.com]

The mantra didn't help. *wibble*