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posted by [identity profile] rainbowstevie.livejournal.com at 08:36pm on 16/06/2007
Very nice; as much as I love the happy ending of CotBP, after all that adventure it is a bit curious to try and imagine them suddenly sliding into domestic tranquility. And man, that ending paragraph is great. Going off Viralmancer's comment...I think dual tenses works, just not when it switches mid-sentence with "he'd fought for is." My suggestion would be to leave that one all in past tense; after that it segues more naturally into present. Might also try flipping the order of the sentences "even with the comfort..." and "the trouble with..."
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posted by [identity profile] stunt-muppet.livejournal.com at 08:38pm on 19/06/2007
Thanks for pointing out that sentence; I had trouble figuring out which tense that should be. Changes shall be made shortly; in the meanwhile, thank you again for the read and review!
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