stunt_muppet

Couldn't sleep last night/tonight. Worrisome, given that this is like the fourth night in a row I haven't been able to sleep. This does not bode well for exam time, because it also renders me incapable of waking up on time. I've been thinking of pulling an all-nighter tonight. Yes, I'll be miserable, but that will also make sure I don't sleep through my exam. 

When I lie awake at night, I start thinking about things, usually things I'd rather not think about. So, instead of sitting there in the dark and having a complete freakout, I get out of bed, read, doodle, even do a little studying that I certainly haven't retained.

And then, as so often happens at 3 in the morning, I get what sounds like a really good fic idea. I stay up till five writing the thing, don't even finish it, finally start feeling tired, and go back to bed. 

After I woke up (late, as always), I found that, no matter how much I liked this thing last night, I kind of hate it now. So I was basically up till 5 writing a fic I don't even like. (Although the fact that I was using the characters to work through my own 3am issues might have something to do with it. That generally doesn't equal good fic.)

I freaking give UP. I'm tired. I'm sick of this. I want to go home already. 

Granted, I haven't deleted the beast, because there are a few phrases and ideas that I think I'll want to use again. And, when I start feeling especially tired and delusional, I start to sort of like it a little, so I might be tempted to finish it.

But I'm tired of not sleeping. I'm tired of getting some idea or turn of phrase late at night and not being able to hold still until it's written down. And I don't really think it's fair that I never get this kind of writing drive when I'm actually supposed to be finishing something, like an essay. 

To quote "Mario: The Hardest Level": I hate everything that has ever existed. Or, perhaps a better quote: This is becoming rote, man. This is my life, this is what I do. 

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A minor question/thought: Why does Sleeping on the Couch have 2 story alerts on ff.net? It's a one-shot. Clearly labeled as such. That's all there is; there ain't no more. 

*shrug*