stunt_muppet

When I was preparing myself to read Dealthy Hallows (not actually reading it, mind you, just preparing), I would sit in front of the book and recite this little mantra to myself, in order to prepare for the bloodbath I was sure was to follow:

"Absolutely everyone in this book is going to die. Everyone. And they'll probably die horrible, suffering, and unneccesary deaths, too. Every character you've ever loved will meet some horrible end one way or the other. This is because JKR is a mean, horrible woman and likes it when you suffer." (I kid! I kid Ms. Rowling! I still love you! Really! Promise!)

"Do not get attached to anyone, because they're all dead. Harry? It's pretty much been established that he dies. Ron and Hermione? Down in a ball of fire. Neville? He's grown out of the comic-relief role, and hence is no longer safe. Luna? Devoured by crumple-horned snorkacks. The Weasleys? Burrow burns down around their heads. They were too good to live. Remus? Hell, the rest of them are gone, except Wormtail who's clinging to his miserable existence; might as well complete the set. Hagrid? Big, lovable, bumbling Hagrid, who's stuck with Harry no matter what? He's fucking doomed."

And, with that in mind, I thought I was ready to begin reading.