stunt_muppet

I kind of ran out of energy on that last journal, so I continue my rambles here. Feel free to comment on one or both if you have anything to say.

First off, TV, because it's more interesting than my life. Last night's CSI? "Leaving Las Vegas"? Awesome. Granted, I'm sad to see Gil Grissom leave (he was the reason I even started watching CSI), but it's not permanent, and this episode was as good a sendoff as any. Also, the scene where Nick (that is his name, right? For some reason I can remember everyone else's name, but not his...he was the one who was investigating the shootings with Willows) says goodbye to Grissom pretty much made the entire episode.

Nick (hugs Grissom): I'm gonna miss ya...
Grissom (looking annoyed): I'll be back in four weeks. Stop hugging me.
Nick (backs away): Yes sir.

So much yes.

On another note, does anyone besides me watch "Shark"? I'm pretty sure that's a no. I've only seen maybe two or three episodes (including last night's), but so far I really like what I've been seeing. I mean, the entire series is basically "What would happen if Dr. House went to Law School" - what's not to like? I like James Woods' character, I like legal dramas...everything fits into place. It's kind of weird, because the first thing I ever saw James Woods in was Disney's "Hercules". There's that bizarre mental displacement going on - the Lumiere effect, if you will. Like, "the last time I heard this guy talk, he wasn't saying anything like this."

I wonder why B.D. Wong in SVU doesn't weird me out - first time I heard him was as Shang in "Mulan". Hmm. Ponderable.

Now that I've found an excuse to segue into L&O, something interesting came up the other day as I perused the Law and Order LiveJournal Report. The LJR keeps tabs on the major fanfiction, fanart, and icon-making in the LJ L&O fandom. Some of my stuff is up there now, if you cared to see it *shameless fic pimping*. Anyway, I was poking around when I came to something that, for me anyway, was clear living proof of the First Law of the Internet.

(In case I haven't told/shown you yet, the First Law of the Internet is: If it exists, there is porn of it. No exceptions. I forget who said this originally, but I didn't think of it. I now give credit to them.)

Under "Art", I found a picture labelled "Munch/Fin. NSFW". It didn't exactly shock me (I've seen Munch and Fin paired before, and in a weird way it kind of makes sense...even though I don't ship them, which is weird, considering they're my two favorites and I'm a weirdo slash fanperson. You'd think it'd be inevitable, but it isn't), but still, Not Safe For Work? Yowza.

I'm not sure my love for L&O extends to porn yet. See, much though I joke about pornography, I still don't watch it or even read it. Even in fanfics - hell, even in *novels* - I generally skip over explicit sex. While I'm guilty in occasionally partaking in general smut, actual hardcore porn is a line I have not yet dared to cross. Be that because of my immaturity, my lingering embarrassments/mixed feelings about sex (if I even have them), my modesty, my whatever, I'm not sure.

But in spite of that, I kind of wanted to click on the link. I was curious. I wanted to know what it looked like - and maybe, deep down, just what exactly these two would actually *do* to each other. I wavered for a while - sure, I like Munch(witness my icon) and I like Fin, but did I really want to lose my visual virginity to them? Then again, it might be interesting - until my Mom entered the room and the decision was effectively made for me. No watching porn where Mommy can see. (My SVU/general L&O addiction freaks my mother out enough, and I have yet to even *tell* her about my tendencies to slash. SVU slash would probably send her off the nearest convenient edge.)

I'm still kind of puzzling about that. I haven't looked at it yet, if you're wondering.

I went to visit my old high school today, and found that, yes, I still have a rather ardent and embarrassing crush on two of my English/writing teachers. I am a bad person.

But everyone was happy to see me - and, even better, everyone recognized me, even though I've lost and regained weight and started highlighting my hair in between then and now. Even my tenth-grade NSL teacher recognized me after a second or two. Everyone gave me welcome-back hugs, asked me how I'd been doing, wanted to know all about college, asked me if I was still writing (my teachers liked my writing a lot, especially my Humanities teacher), wanted to know what my major was, et cetera. They seemed actually happy to see me and talk to me, which was a nice feeling - I mean, just the fact that they remembered me made me quite happy.

One of the teachers' wife was being interviewed on PBS that day; he invited me to come listen with him. We listened quietly most of the time, but near the end we started having a fun conversation about the recent resurgence that Shakespeare's been having, and why the Bard's never going to go away. It occurs to me that, with the exception of the friends I've had since forever and the few friends I made in high school, I had a better relationship with my teachers than with my peers. I wonder what that says about me.

Apparently, my name came up in conversation among the teachers a few days ago. That, I think, was what flattered me the most. I'm coming across as a horrible goody-two-shoes, aren't I. I sincerely apologize for that.

Still, it really was lots of fun to see my teachers again. Much though I whine about high school, I did enjoy most of it, and I do miss them. (particularly the aforementioned English and Creative Writing teachers whom I'd prefer to remain unnamed. *pine*) I'll have to stop by again before I go back.

One thing that was weird was walking through the halls again and knowing that I was, in fact, older and more mature than many of the people I passed by. That was a little hard to believe, considering many of them *still* look older than me. While I've long passed the phase where I utterly didn't care about my appearance, I still don't feel the need to get really dressed up for school, and I don't even wear makeup three times out of five. In spite of the fact that I'm now legally an adult I still look and feel younger than the tenth-grades with stilettos and hose and skirts and professional-looking makeup. Then again, I have been having that problem since, oh, fifth grade. It wasn't really a surprise.

I should bother to put on makeup sometimes. It really does make me look better, and look and feel a little more mature. Same goes for fancier/sexier clothes. Superficial, yes, but true. I went out to a shopping center with some of my college friends wearing my usual minimalist makeup (foundation, concealer, eyeliner, mascara), my favorite "sexy" shirt (perhaps a Facebook photo is in order for those of you on my Facebook), high-heeled boots, and jeans that flattered me. I felt...there's not a dignified way to put it. I felt appealing. I felt like a young woman out on the town, instead of a kid. It was a huge confidence boost and if it wasn't so much trouble I'd do it more often.

I hate the fact that I liked it when a guy stared at me in that shirt, but I liked it. Betty Friedan would shoot me dead.

I think this might have been the most meandering journal I've ever written in terms of topic. From CSI to porn to school to self-esteem. I'm all over the place today.

I think I talk and think about myself far too much. I'm not old enough to have this much "self" to analyze. Maybe if I started wondering less about why I did things and started trying to figure out why other people do things I might have better people skills. And I don't mean in the psychological sense - I mean socially, like learning how to "read" people and know what they want/need.

Then again, this is supposed to be an introspective age I'm in. And, at the moment, I don't really have a point of comparison.

Hmm.

I'm sure this will all make more sense when I'm older.